Innocence Lost
by Stardust413
Summary: It was quite ridiculous. Cesare had always considered himself very bright, sharp compared to other men. He couldn't figure out why it had taken him this long to see the truth. Perhaps he'd been in denial. Or, perhaps part of him had known all along.


A/N: Just finished the Borgias, and my heart is a mess. I don't even know if anyone else cares anymore but I do and that's what's important here. I'm too wrapped up in it to function properly, so I had to get this out of my head.

Summary: Cesare had never noticed before that every one of his lovers reminded him of his sister in some way. Truly, he should have seen it sooner.

Disclaimer: I do not own the show or the people. Though I often wonder what they would say about all this fiction being written about them.

Warning: Incest. Kind of.

• • •

The first time he ever took a lover to bed, he chose a slight woman, a few years older than himself, with soft blond hair and ivory skin. Looking back, it was odd that his conscious mind didn't make the connection when he first laid eyes on her, how similar her features were to his own sister's. She taught him everything a man should know about being a lover: to not be selfish in a bed, to be patient, where a woman best liked to be touched. He doesn't remember her name anymore, but occasionally he thanks her inside his head.

The second one had full lips, pink like rose petals, and wide pale eyes. Her smile was bright and happy, and her eyes crinkled at the corners with it.

The next had a sweet voice, with just the right lilt to it, and when she cried out into his ear, it brought him such pleasure.

Each and every one subconsciously reminded him of Lucrezia, and he was a fool for not realizing it. Since they had been children, they'd merely been the closest of friends, confidants, the keepers of each other's soul. It hadn't been a big deal that she was his favorite person in the world; she was his sister after all, and quite adorable.

Ursula, with her long, blond hair and captivating smile, had reminded him of the fact that his sister would be leaving him, out of his reach, perhaps forever. When he'd realized her unhappiness resulted from her marriage, he'd released her from it, hoping to bring happiness back, only to damn her to eternal repentance, so she believed. Somewhere in the back of his mind he'd wished to be near his sister, to know if she was unhappy. If she was, he would deliver her, and he was quite sure she would not hate him for it.

Catherina Sforza had been a dangerous predator, with a calculating gaze and a will of steel. At the time, he'd only recently realized that his sister had made a transformation into a similar kind of animal, with a will of her own, strong as a diamond.

Lastly came Charlotte. By the time he met her, he'd realized his attraction to women who reminded him of his sister. Charlotte, however, did not share her fair features, nor her steel will, nor her lilting voice. She had fine dark hair, and was more curvy where Lucrezia was petite. Her voice was loud, even when she whispered, and she had not yet become jaded by the cruelties of the world.

It wasn't until after they'd been married, when she smiled so widely and giggled into his ear, that he realized she did in fact remind him of his sister. The Lucrezia from years past. Before she'd been sold to Giovanni Sforza, before she'd become a caged predator, before she had been exposed to all the terrible things in the world. It was her innocence that reminded him of his sister, innocence lost, but still.

She had laughed so freely, once upon a time. She was happy without a reason. Her sweet innocence was a bright light in the darkness. And Charlotte had it too.

When he came to this realization, he vowed to keep her innocent, ignorant of the cruelties of the world, as he had failed to do with Lucrezia. A Borgia could never hope to remain untainted by sin, but if Charlotte remained far away from himself and his family, perhaps she would be spared.

Perhaps he could keep this one woman carefree and happy all her life, never to want for anything.

He decided it would be so. Charlotte would remain innocent, in the light, and he would go back to the darkness where he belonged, with the rest of his family.

Part of him, the most selfish part - that is to say, the majority of him - was thankful that his sister had been dragged into the darkness with him. When they'd lain together for the first time, it was what he imagined heaven would be like, if there ever was such a place. They were Borgias, selfish and cruel, but they would be together always, despite any marriages that might take place, for their love was that strong, that true.

He may burn in hell for eternity, but he would not do so alone. Lucrezia would be at his side, and as long as she was, he didn't mind a little hellfire.


End file.
